A Flicker of Hope

If there is a roller coaster for emotions, I have been on a ride for the past 6 days or so.

I walked into Physical Therapy on Tuesday pretty much throwing in the towel with my treatment - my heel hurt so much that I was pretty sure I was doomed to cycling for the rest of my life.  Sorry to all you cyclist out there, but I can't seem to reach a high cycling like I can running.  And that's probably not a fair statement as I haven't given cycling enough time, but so far it's not doing it for me.

My PT's comment, when I bombarded him with a barrage of at least 13 varying heel pain plantar faciitis treatments I have researched or others have tried and told me about, "Wow, Jill, this really is consuming you...."

Um, hello...I have a running blog - like duh it consumes me!

I didn't really want him to address all the varying so-called remedies I threw at him (well, maybe secretly I did but I knew it'd be well past midnight before I left), I mostly just wanted him to be aware that yes, this stupid heel does consume me and I waste spend way too much time looking up so much crap on the Internet ... but mostly, without hope, I feel doomed.

So we started zeroing in on my calf.  Oh the calf.  The devil has taken up residency there a time or four over the past years.  That thing has crippled me with a couple pulled muscles and almost caused my Portland Marathon in '09 to never exist.  Massage torture therapy was my only saving grace at the time - and I managed to pull an incredible Portland finish time out of the hat, despite the fact I was practically crawling at the finish.

Tuesday, Nazi Physical Therapist Man planted his iron thumb into my calf and dug down deep.  And often.  Up and down the whole calf.  HOLY MOTHER OF EXCRUCIATING PAIN!!!  Who knew a calf could have so many trigger points and knots.

Then, to top off the misery, he thought he'd do a little dry needling in the already overly sensitive calf.

If anyone tells you dry needling doesn't hurt they are lying.  The needle doesn't hurt going in, as you may think it would...no, the pain comes when a vexatious stabbing sensation hits the muscle.  And then the whole thing spazzes like it was hit with a taser gun or something.

Oh yeah, fun times.

But you know what????  Today, a mere 10 weeks after I first sought out help for this debilitating disease, I actually could put my entire foot down on the floor.  I didn't have to walk on my tippy toes on one foot.  Yeah, there's still pain there but holy Batman, Lucy - I can FREAKING WALK without cringing every time my heel hits the floor. 

HALLELUJAH!!!

Today, he did the same crucifixion but focused on the inside of my shin, another trigger point which connects to the heel (eventually).

Today I finally feel a small flicker of hope.

I have a boat load of toe flexing exercises to do and I have drastically increased the duration of these, even bringing my big, black rubber band to work and sitting at my desk with the thing wrapped around my toes (which I hook over my knee. That way I can still type at work - I'm such a creative soul!).....

Yes, this is my actual foot doing PT band stretches
on my bathroom floor.  I know, your life is now
complete having seen this picture!

....but finally, I think this thing can be turned around.  It may take awhile, but I think things are finally taking a positive turn.

"Hope is the dream of a soul awake"

So no, I am not running.  Yet.  And after 6 weeks of not, I can't believe I'm actually okay with this.  But I am.  For now.

But I have been biking - like some crazed madwoman.  Me and my bike have become pretty intimate over the past few weeks and I even knocked out a 42.5 miler last weekend and I'm entering thoughts of a century bike ride in June *gasp*!!!   My bike trainer now resides in my bedroom and I have to climb over it daily to get in and out of bed.  If that isn't commitment, I'm not sure what is.  I don't enjoy as much as I do the pounding of my legs on the road in my running shoes, but I'm determined to wake up my soul and get into some sort of semblance of fitness and if I have to bike to do it, then so be it.  I'm changing my diet, I'm getting more rest, I'm trying not to stress, I'm back to lifting weights....and I'm biking.

And my heel is starting to respond. 

My soul is starting to wake.  Today is a new day.

I have tons of biking stories to share with you in just the three weeks I've taken on this task....I promise you those A.D.D. moments I have continue to follow me on the bike.  So stay tuned. 

And get this: I'm off for a few days of REAL biking adventure as I load up mine and my boys' bikes tomorrow and head of of town to the mountain biking mecca of the US: Moab, Utah!  I can't wait!!!

So I may be blog MIA a few days as I'm not sure I'll have Internet access but I promise I'll have pictures and stories galore to share when I get back.  I'm on Spring Break next week so when I return I will have lots of blog reading time :).  I thank all you bloggers out there who have been nothing but supportive and encouraging even though I have been nothing but down and whiny these past few months...and even the few who have emailed me just because you knew it'd make a difference (you know who you are :)) - it has all meant a lot. I was even lucky enough to spend a couple fantastic hours with the ever so cool blogger Tiina last week when we got to meet in person downtown for some frozen yogurt and a great heel whining session on my part.  She's super sweet and I can't wait until she's in town again this summer - I think we're even going to get a short run in together!  I KNOW we will!

Run strong, friends!!