I don't know how I'm going to run in Tucson, I can't even guesstimate. My mind's so far removed from this race, I have no sense of awareness how I'll perform; I think my mind's somewhere bouncing around on Jupiter .... it's nowhere near the Tucson starting line.
And maybe that's okay, I'm not sure. I guess I'll find out in 10 days.
My e-friend recently had a touching blog post about mean-spirited people and I have to share parts of it because the words he resonates are my sentiments exactly:
People are mean. Not all people. But enough people.
It’s easy to live in my own little world. I like it here. I just get so mad when I venture into the real world and encounter people who are so intolerant, so insensitive, so holier-than-thou, so totally thoughtless that they can trample on other people’s feelings and then feel no remorse. I can’t help myself; I overreact. I argue. I scream. I mock. I go nuts...... When I see people getting hurt because of someone’s thoughtless, idiotic, pointless tirade, I’ve had it.
Right on, margarine. He has a good heart!
I'm a fairly highly-sensitive-overly-emotional-needy-at-times chick. Not always, but when enough stuff starts to build, I get frustrated and high frustrations tend to lead to a loss of composure. I'm certain, though, the sensitivity part is a constant; my feelings do get easily injured. It's trait of who I am. I can't change that, despite sometime wanting to. Most people tend to still like me. For the most part. It doesn't make me any lesser of a soul, it just makes me me.
I believe I have a heart of gold; there's not much I wouldn't do for someone that I care about, though others that know me could tell you for certain. I know I feel sympathy, compassion, sorrow and joy for them. Gratitude lubricates the engines of a friendship. I'm very grateful for my friends. I don't relish the thought of losing them.
But I don't have a lot of very close friends. I believe sensitive people tend to fall a little on the reserved side ... maybe it's a fear they will get too hurt. Who knows. But when compassionate people give their heart, they give it all.
I'm pretty bruised.
It's not a matter of what happened, the thoughtless act is done; it's the fact sensitive girl here WAS jolted by someone whom she let in and the ability to temper that hurt with an apology isn't a concern by the offending party. Apparently. Apologies aren't exclusively due to wrong-doing, they're also an acceptance to the realization their behavior inflicted harm. Maybe it's just me, but I think friendships are precious and if I unintentionally said or did something that hurt my "unconditional friendship" friend, I'd feel about 2" tall. I'd be doing whatever I could to make amends and steer it right. If I've somehow inflicted pain, I'm sorry. No. Matter. What. I'd rather apologize for something I said or did than to stand my ground to be "right" and lose something invaluable. If something has enough valuable to you, you fight for it! To have harmony. I pray to God that my children understand this.
But that's just me. I'm about human kindness.
It's hard for me to take someone I've been very emotionally dependent upon, trusted, and who was my rock and support system and just watch it blow away. Right smack in the middle of marathon taper time. As if stress for the race weren't enough, huh??
It's affected my sleep, nutrition, my running and training. How's that for stress!!??!!
I fight to get my mind focused on Tucson; I struggle daily. Hourly.
But yet, maybe it will be okay......maybe I'm not alone.....
Perhaps it's time for sensitive girl to close the lid on this matter, heavy heart and all - according to my snazzy countdown calendar, I gotta marathon to run in a mere 10 days! I may not be going with the one that talked me into this little adventure, and I'll always be sad about that, but I have others I'll be taking with me every step of the way. Including you guys. And maybe that's abundant enough.
If I have enough persistence to get a funky countdown calendar on my blog, I surly have enough determination to run 26.2 miles.
Game on, let's run!