Don't Fear the Reaper

It’s Sunday night and I’m feeling pretty proud of myself for day 3 of the New Year and adhering to one of my promised “new me” changes by landing in bed before midnight. I somehow got into a horrible habit of hitting the pillow well past the mandatory sleep time runners need. Heck, I’ve been way past half of the recommended sleep. Trying to crank out “one more thing” before closing the day and that thing turned into one more and then yet another. I know this was affecting my training. But sometimes, many times, it’s not a matter of when I get to bed, but rather when I wake up - which seems to be at the ungodly hour of like 3a.m, and never falling back to sleep. Well if that’s the case, then I should try to land on my pillow just a tad earlier than I have been. A good goal, I think (one thing that’s good about this is that I have no problems getting up for an early marathon or a training run in the mountains. I’m up anyway, let’s just go!! But it does make for a very long day…especially when I have to work). Normally, though, I have no problems falling asleep. Sunday night, this was not the case.

One word: Anxiety.

Over what? Initially, I wasn’t sure. At 8:00 that night, I was doing some writing and was lying in my bed doing so (I know, I know…a very bad habit I got into … no wonder my back hurts from time to time.) and I was so tired, I almost passed out right there – but come 10:00, when my head hit the pillow, I was wired and I was wide awake. Errr! Go. To. Sleep. NOW. Jill!!!! NOW!! Okay, NOOOOOWWWW!!!!

Didn’t work. Does it ever when we force it?

I don’t like change much. I’m kinda one that gets content with the way things are, and I definitely like my duckies all lined up and organized. You can call me anal if you want…I am, but not about everything – just certain things. Ya know, like my training. Monday marked the first day I would have started back with my trainer after my mandatory time off from Tucson. Monday marked a day of change – I’m starting the New Year all on my own. Ah…welcome anxiety!! It all hit me during my alone time with me – when I needed to sleep. I realized I didn’t have to get up at 4:45 the next morning and start my weight training and I suddenly questioned everything about my running. The fact I’ll be doing 99.9% of it by myself for Boston absolutely terrified me. And I couldn’t sleep. I was fearing the reaper....that weight training reaper!

I woke up yesterday in a complete sleepy-eyed fog and stumbled into work. Great. First day back and the kids are going to wonder just how wild of a NYE night I had playing cards with the neighbors.

Fast forward to finally exiting work Monday, having somehow managed to make it through the day, excited because I had a hair appointment to get new highlights. Nothing like some new brightness to the hair to elevate your mood, huh?? The woman that does my hair lives in my neighborhood and her biz is in her basement. Convenient!! And she’s just really nice, I love spending time talking to her. Well, in typical A.D.D. form, I knock on the door of her house and she answers, “Hi, what’s up?” Um, I have an appointment today? Apparently, no. That’s tomorrow, she stated. Yeah, I love my A.D.D moments! She managed to work me in regardless – yea – and it pumped me up for the 7 easy miler I had last night.

Hop on the treadmill at 8:00 last night to finally do my 7. I know, late, but I had so much to do when I got home and really was procrastinating the whole thing. I brought my book I’m reading, my iPod, my cell phone so I could text the daughter who just went back to college and turn on some HGTV. Nothing like a little distraction for the task at hand: running. I’ve never run with a book at the forefront o f my treadmill – I have to say, I liked it! It wasn’t the easiest thing to read but wow, it really helped pass the time away.
But while reading, texting, watching tv, and listening to my music, a song came on. And not just a song – a song that literally erased my anxiety in a flash.

Don’t fear the reaper
Baby, take my hand
Don’t fear the reaper
We’ll be able to fly
Don’t fear the reaper

Metaphor girl listened and the words of Blue Oyster Cult hit me like a brick. Okay, the lyrics don't pertain to running, I'm not sure what they are referring to actually, but this is what translated: Don’t be afraid, Jill. Trust your training, your experience, your judgment. You will be just fine. You know what to do. Hold your own hand, you will fly! Yeah, I'm just kind of corny like that! I tell ya, I'm just all about anything inspiring and this song seem to find it's way to my head!

I went to bed last night and felt good. I slept well (ish) and woke up feeling energized to tackle the weight/core training on my own. I may not like it (anyone actually LIKE weight training??), and I may not enjoy it….but I know it’s pivotal in my marathon performance and I need to stick with it.

At work, there’s a Biggest Loser contest going on, starting today, for staff and faculty to see who can lose the most amount of weight in the next 12 or so weeks (I forget the exact time frame). The chick running the thing asked if I would be interested in sharing some of my wisdom so I made a weekly exercise and nutrition guide, it’s pretty basic in the exercise department – I have no idea what type of lifestyles most are coming from…but just determined a sedentary one was probably where most were. Today was weigh-in #1. For the entire day, I listed to about 60 people explain to me why they have fallen from healthy habits and gotten into a rut of bad choices. I guess I was the priest they were making their confession to. I had to smile. It is very special for me to take something I love as much as running and tie that into words and images that resonate with people coming from every perspective, especially a sedentary one. I explained to many, who told me they had no time to work out, that every single one of us makes time for what is mandatory. For a runner, running is mandatory; it keeps us healthy, it keeps us sane. Running for me is mandatory and there are no excuses!

There are no excuses. Weight training and core strengthening is mandatory, I will do it. I’m going to sit down tonight, with my newly brightened hair, and make a plan of what I need to do and, like my running, find no excuses not to do it. I’m actually very excited. I will not be afraid :).