|My 2009 and 2010 Boston Medals, each one loaded with different, yet equally fond memories. I proudly display them on my dresser mirror, where I can see them daily and am reminded of those very special days.|
As I sit and gaze at my October calendar, my eyes constantly drift to the 18th.
Many of you know what this date signifies, but for those who don't: it's Boston 2011 registration day. I am torn on what to do. Do I register and run it again and get that miserable 2010 finish line 4:30 monkey off my back? Or do I let Boston go, grateful for the 2 experiences I had there - afterall, 2009 was a supurb race (3:51) and I ran my heart out and left nothing on that course (even part of my stomach at mile 22 with the most severe stomach cramps I've ever endured).
grateful for both my runs there; Boston shouldn't really be about a time or a pace - it should be about the experience, and I certainly experienced both ends of the spectrum. 2009 was all about fitness and racing and seeing what I was made of. 2010 was about my birthday and celebrations and forging real-life blog friendships. Both races hold a very special place in my heart. I'm filled with gratitude from head to toe to have been one of the fortunate enough to have run there. Twice.
It should be enough. I should gladly close the door on Boston and seek out my next grand adventure - my 50-miler.
I should. But I can't help but look at that October 18th day and NOT want to hit the registration button. Something is drawing me in, and I can't even tell you exactly
why. I have nothing to prove there or to earn. It's not a course I even like. It's expensive as hell. I have anxiety getting around in that city (I'm sure poor Katie A.'s
husband was read to strangle me!). I didn't stand at the start line of Boston this year with the butterflies and thoughts of how special it was to be standing there, unlike the previous year, so I'm certain I wouldn't feel that again next year.
So why would I even think about going back?
I guess it's a series of many thing, all totally ridiculous when you peel them apart and examine them individually.
- I guess that 4:30 time isn't sitting too well and I'd love to get back into prime marathon racing shape and run it hard one more time. Just to see if I can.
- The fact that I'm probably in the worst marathon racing shape ever - having Boston as a focus would make me have no excuses to train at that level again.
- A ton of friends are going this year - I'd love to meet up with them. I love friends. Some blog friends I've never met, whom I'd love to, especially Petra
, who lives across the big blue pond in England. I may never have the opportunity to meet her again. She is a great friend and we email frequently about our training woes; I feel a very special connection with her.
- And well, hell, it's Boston. I earned a spot to be there, I feel I should take advantage.
- I've had two amazing experiences there and Boston is never to disappoint as far as building happy memories.
Do you hear the BUT
But, I'm kinda Boston burned-out. To qualify for Boston was a dream of mine for many, many years. I never worked as hard nor sacrificed as much to earn my BQ at St. George in 2008 and it meant the world to me. It now no longer does and it's no longer a dream. There's no magical spark and it's nothing I crave to earn my place there. I've hit the "been there done that" phase with Boston. I feel it's time to let it go and move on to other dreams, ya know....like my 50.
Why not do both, you ask?
Ah, good question. Really, I could do both. And I haven't ruled that out as an option. But I don't think I want to.
I'm not like the rest of you young uns. I'm 47 and training for these races to perform at the best of my ability takes a lot more recovery time. There was a day when I could do a 50-miler and a marathon in the same month, that's no longer the case. Well, it's no longer the case if I want to race them well....and let's face it, that's just how I tick.
I'm done lolly-gagging through marathons half-trained. I understand that there are no guarantees come race day. Race day is always a mystery unfolding. That's what's so humbling and so beautiful about it; that's what keeps us all coming back - because you just never know. But when I now race a marathon, I want to be in top shape so I stand on the start line having left no stone unturned. Oh, I may use
a marathon to train for the
marathon, as I've done in the past, but I don't want to step on the start line of an end-picture marathon not having given it the respect it deserves by training to the best of my ability. At least not now. I think one day I will reach a point when the intense insanity of marathon training will leave my heart and I'll enter them just for fun, to enjoy with friends, or just to visit a new city. But not right now.
Many of you asked in my last blog which 50-miler I was thinking about. After emailing Kovas
back and forth with many options I thought about doing the JKF50 or similar in the fall. Which could leave me doing Boston in the spring - doing both next year. And I'm not ruling that option out.
Here comes that damn BUT
1) I don't relish the thought of running back to back to back 30+ miles in the heat of the summer. I have heat-related issues which I can quickly assassinate myself if I'm not careful. That's why the treadmill and I are pretty well bonded. 2) I fear if I sit and think about this 50 for too toooo toooooo long, I'll chicken out. I've been in this 50 mind-frame before and I have yet to do one. Enough said. 3) I'm ready for a new challenge. I want to continue on my marathon quest, but I want to check off this 50 soon, before I get cold feet, before I get older and it gets harder and then go back to marathon racing. Who knows, maybe I'll actually enjoy
the 50 and want to continue on? Doubtful...but I'd never say never.
So the 50 is what's tugging at my spring-time race heart right now.
So there's my delimma, my thoughts. All races in the future, of course, stem on the heel and how it behaves and if I'll ever become a real person in society with insurance who can go have this thing looked at by a real podiatrist (latest word: all paperwork finally in to the insurance mediator, who is pondering over all the biopsy results. Should know a decision "soon" (his words) and if accepted, it's about a 2-3 week process for the insurance coverage to start. There's always a possibility the mediator may yet again deny me due to too much time lapsing between negative biopsy and now. Cross you fingers that's not the case!!).
I had a solid 33 miles of running last week. That's 18.43 % increase over the following week, for all you statistician math freaks out there. Extra 50 bonus points for the heel being about 88.9 % cooperative. That's HUGE! I take each day one day at a time, grateful for the every single mile logged; I can't help but get a little excited that maybe there actually IS hope for me to race this spring.
Is it Boston?
Or is it time for the 50?
Time, and my heel, will tell. I'm not too worried about it, the answer will come. But for now, my treadmill is calling....it's MP mile repeats day - I LOVE those puppies!
Week 38:Running: 33 miles
Total 2010 miles: 1279.21
Total 14er's climbed: 0
Elliptical Trainer: 5.5 miles
Wt Training: 1
I am finding as I slowly crank up the miles, I'm cutting out my wt training - I must be more diligent about getting that back in!!