Not as I had hoped...

I'm not sure what I really expected out of today's race but it certainly didn't go as well as I wanted it to. Though a little bit of me inside wonders if I didn't already know this days ago as I had made a comment to Elaine that I wasn't feeling it.

I'd had an incredible 10-miler in February. PR'd my half marathon in Atlanta. Ran a pretty strong race in Boston. I went into Boulder thinking that I had no reason why I couldn't run faster than my 48:13 time last year. But I was filled with some clouded uncertainties. I'm going to be openly honest here and state some things that may have contributed to my dimise: My weight is up a from last year's race; I have a slight feeling of pressure on my bladder again (not a good sign); I'm having some intestinal problems (related to my bladder?); I've over-indulged in too many graduation parties (admittedly: sugar. Not too much alcohol, thankfully); and really what I think the main problem was/is is that I have not been focused with my training. I don't think I've come up with excuses, I think it's been more of a 'time-out' situation where I've just had so much on my plate (and there's nothing wrong with that) that I haven't devoted myself to getting faster and stronger. I can look at this now and say this is the case but at the time, I never thought it was a problem.

I left the stadium of Boulder and went to my car to get my coat; it had gotten pretty cold and there were a few sprinkles starting. I walked back to the expo for a bit and talked to a guy on 'Strands' for awhile; I had used this program to monitor Sarah's Eugene marathon but I really couldn't figure it out, though admittedly have not spent much time with it at all. It's funny that I have followers since I have not done a thing with it. But it looks like a really cool program and once I get it all figured out, would like to use it to link my workouts with those that are interested, along with my trainer. I headed back to my car; I didn't want to meet up with the guys and listen to their grand finish times and I didn't want to be social; I was actually kinda emotional about the whole experience. I'm certain Dennis will post on the prostate website and I'll read up about it there; there are several in the group that ran. I stopped at the grocery store in Longmount on the way home and got some chocolate milk and aimlessly wondered around awhile, not looking at anything at all other than deep in my own thoughts. I called my aunt when I downed my chocolate milk, she lives up North and so I thought I'd stop and see her. I haven't seen her since I returned from Boston so it was really nice to sit and talk for a couple hours about something other than Boulder.

When I returned home, it was close to 1:30 and I knew my friend, Jonathan just finished the LA marathon (9 days ago, he ran the Ogden marathon. Crazy, huh? :) ) so I ran a bubble bath and talked to him awhile. He told me all about his race and how it didn't pan out the way he hoped either and it felt so good to talk to someone about running right then and there who had just lived my experience. He actually pulled off to the side for awhile to talk to me, telling me how nice it was to talk to me because his family didn't truly understand his passion. I understood fully what he was telling me. My friends are super supportive of my running, telling me all the time that I am out there doing what so little can....I understand this, I do, but I also know what I'm capable of and it's all relative to the performance I know I can do. I could tell them I ran a 2:55 marathon or a 4:55 marathon and to them, it's just a number with no meaning associated with it; they are happy for me no matter what. It's only a few souls that fully understand. And that's perfectly okay but sometimes, you just need to talk to someone that knows. Jonathan is driving back to Utah tomorrow after his hard LA run today, I do not envy him :)

So out of the tub and doing some writing and the phone rings and it's Rob. It was good to hear his voice :). We talked briefly about what some of my problems in Boulder were also and we both concurred that it's just a matter of focus right now. I let too many constraints interfere with my "plan" and discussed getting together tomorrow to discuss what I need to do to regroup and reach my goals. He seems to think that it's going to be difficult for me to up my mileage, which I have been pretty adamant I do here soon, and do the leg strength training I need to get stronger. I know he knows what he's talking about but I seriously think that needs some serious negotiations because I know people that do both and I'm ready to get in there and prove it. I've approached the track coach at school, who's run an astonishing 10 Leadville 100-milers (in a row) and knows a thing or two about marathoning, and asked him if he could help give me some guidance, in particular, to watch me run. To run with me. Which has become increasingly important to me lately which Rob won't provide. Brian told me, " I feel that I can help you, as you are extremely intrinsically motivated, and I'd love to help guide that energy." This is very exciting news for me!!

Nothing like a bad run to put things in perspective and make you that much more motivated to persevere! I will; I am already eating better today :). And hey, my 49:22 time finished about 9th in my age group out of 452. Not bad, eh?

8 miles run (warm up was well over a mile and I ran to my car after. Hey, ever speck run counts!!)